Couple's Retirement Puzzle

The Couple's Retirement Puzzle Now for Sale!

You can now buy your own copy of The Couple's Retirement Puzzle directly from Amazon.com

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We hope you enjoy it!

 

Book Review, The Couple's Retirement Puzzle, USAToday on-line, 11/28/2011

Check out the November 28, 2011, USAToday online review of our book by Kerry Hannon, a nationally acclaimed free-lance journalist who specializes in personal finance and retirement and author of her own book: What's Next? Follow Your Passion and Find your Dream Job.

As Hannon states, "Having someone to grow old with is great and helps defray stress. It frequently provides financial support, and, of course, a human bond that's priceless. But unless you have a general roadmap that you're both following, it can get pretty complicated. ..

Taylor and Mintzer hit on some key concerns ...and provide practical questions to get you started... (Their) mission is to present a strategy to start the conversations that help couples tackle some pieces of the puzzle. Most couples aren't going to agree on everything. But if you can communicate, you can find solutions....

Getting these hot-button topics out front is uncomfortable and awkward, but step-by-step, the two relationship coaches direct a thoughtful conversational process to ease you along...It's ultimately freeing to have these conversations about money matters and dreams, but lack of smooth communication tools trips us up. Simply put, it's hard to get started. Even when you do, it's easy to become frustrated and angry when your partner doesn't share your future goals...

The take-away: Couples need to start talking about retirement well before they get there, and reassess as circumstances change...Some people are better at it than others, but the authors promise if you practice being a good listener, are open to concessions and remember to share something positive that you learned about each other after each conversation, it will make the process a little easier."

To read the entire review go to USAToday on line: http://www.usatoday.com/money/books/reviews/story/2011-11-28/Couples-Retirement-Puzzle/51444298/1.

A visit to the future

I'm just beginning to re-join the world of the living and what a relief it is.  For the past week and a half I've spent most of my time in bed  with pneumonia; completely de-energized, coughing till my ribs hurt and feeling like I'd never be able to work again. In fact, at one point, I was convinced that my productive years were behind me and I had nothing more to give. When you're that sick you can go to some pretty dark and scary places. And it doesn't help to be so weak that you literally can't hold yourself up. One day I actually lost my balance and fell.  I tried to pull myself up but my arms and legs collapsed liked rubber. In a flash I was a frightened ninety year old struggling to right myself and feeling totally vulnerable  and alone. In that flash I experienced what so many frail and elderly people live every day. How could that happen to me? I work out, I eat well, and I take care of myself. The fact is, there are no guarantees!  All we have is today. My brief visit to the future reinforced  my sense of gratitude for my health, my family, my firends, my work and my self. Now that I'm feeling re-energized and motivated, my perspective is totally different. But it's clear that things can change in a flash. As Steve Jobs was known to say; "Live each day as it were your last. Some day it will be."

Couple's Retirement Puzzle Featured on Alivehood

Roberta and I were recently interviewed on Karma Kitaj's YouTube show, Alivelihood: New Careers As We Age.  I've embedded the interview below for you to enjoy.

ForeWord Book Review

The Couple's Retirement Puzzle just got a glowing review from Barry Silverstein of ForeWord Book Reviews.  You can read the full review here.

Couples Retirement Puzzle on Wake Up with Wendy Show

Recently we were guests on the Wake Up with Wendy Show on Chelmsford Telemedia.

You can watch our interview here:

Planning for the Future: Couples and Retirement

We were guests earlier this week on the Fox Morning News on Fox Boston.  You can see our interview below:

Planning for the future: Couples & retirement: MyFoxBOSTON.com

 

Making Retirement Plans: Making Decisions Together

There was a time when people did not need to think about when to retire; their employer or organization decided for them. Retirement benefits were more secure and often more generous but, with a shorter life span twenty-plus years ago, many people did not live long after they retired.

Decisions can feel complicated when the timing of retirement is up to you. You may be asking, how will retiring now affect our financial future? Am I bored, tired of what I’m doing or just burnt out? Am I supposed to retire because I’m sixty-two or sixty-five, or whatever the age may be?

Many people in their sixties and seventies love what they do and have no plans to stop working in the foreseeable future. Others may have lost their jobs due to layoffs and downsizing, but are not ready to retire. On the other hand, some younger boomers in their fifties still dream of an early

Having accurate information and facts and talking about how you feel will help you make decisions you’re able to live with. Whether you are in your fifties, sixties, or seventies, you need to think carefully about how you want to use your assets and resources. Hopefully you can still have fun and do the things that are important in your life, but be sure to consider the pros and cons so that you can make informed choices.

The most important part of decision making is communication. Some couples, like Sharon and Clarence, have based their relationship on good communication, planning ahead, and making decisions together. 

Here is their story:

Sharon and Clarence began planning their future after they had their first child forty years ago. Retiring together in their early sixties was the vision they are now living. They are both retired from full-time careers but work a few days a week in their respective fields. Part-time work allows them the time and extra income to visit their children, travel and enjoy their lifestyle.

Sharon continues to receive health insurance through the school department where she had worked for thirty-five years. Sharon and Clarence communicate well and make important decisions together. They share similar values and goals and are able to compromise and negotiate differences. For them, the decision about when and how to retire fit into the long-term plan they developed together.

There are many variables and considerations in making the decision to retire, but it is important to be clear about two questions: “Why now?” and “What do I want to retire to?”  You and your partner can begin to get on the same page with your retirement vision when you thoroughly explore these two questions.

Retirement Planning: Working After Retirement

As you and your spouse discuss your retirement plans, one of you may discover a reduced tolerance for a work situation that is no longer fulfilling your needs or one that is inconsistent with your values. And priorities may need to shift if your health and well-being are undermined.

Here's Steve and Carol's story:

Carol and Steve first talked about retirement in their late fifties, focusing primarily on financial goals. They agreed to continue working and retire together when they were both sixty-five. In her early sixties, Carol’s company reorganized, and she was transferred to a new division where she was doing work that was neither interesting nor satisfying. She felt like she had been demoted, and resented being supervised by someone younger and less experienced.

Frustrated and unhappy, Carol began to dread going to work. Steve was aware of the situation, but he had no idea how close Carol was to quitting. At sixty-two, she could not imagine staying at her job another three years, even though leaving would mean losing health insurance coverage, which had been a big issue in their discussion about when to retire. Steve planned to sell his small but successful accounting business when he retired. He enjoyed his work and rarely complained. But Carol’s job was draining her energy and giving her little more than a paycheck.

Carol and Steve needed to revisit their timetable for retirement and decide how to resolve the dilemma. Their situation is an example of how life can bring changes that affect decision making.

Couples need to start talking about retirement well before they get there, and then reassess their decisions as circumstances change. Even the best plan may need to be revised. Carol was unhappy and disappointed. She wanted to leave her job but felt stuck, primarily because she depended on her health insurance benefit. Carol and Steve needed to talk about whether she had to “stick it out” until they were both eligible for Medicare, or whether it was possible for her to leave her job sooner.

Perhaps there were also other options they had not yet considered:

Carol and Steve talked about their priorities and did some problem solving together, which helped Carol feel supported and more open to possibilities. Steve encouraged her to talk with her boss about how her experience and skills might be utilized in another part of the company. They agreed that if a transfer was not possible, they would find a way to pay for COBRA for eighteen months, which would give them time to figure out what to do.

As it turned out, Carol’s boss liked her creative thinking and offered her a part-time position that was new and interesting. Although health care benefits would not be fully covered, it was a good compromise and well worth Carol’s peace of mind. She and Steve still planned to retire together at sixty-five, but with a somewhat different plan. Meanwhile, working part time gave Carol the opportunity to begin taking courses and explore new interests.

As you and your partner determine your decision about whether to work after retirement, make sure your decisions will not jeopardize your financial security.  While the issue is universal, the solutions are particular to you and your situation. Making important decisions is an ongoing process. As we have seen with Carol and Steve, what you’ve planned for may change when circumstances change. Having accurate information and facts and talking about how you feel will help you make decisions you’re able to live with.

Retirement Planning: If, When and How to Retire

This story illustrates how important it is for couples to be in sync regarding their retirement transition plans:

For years, Peter had commuted to work by train, traveling several hours a day back and forth. He was up at the crack of dawn and home after dark. Except for vacations and weekends, his time at home was limited. He was looking forward to retiring and being able to putter around the house, snowshoe in the woods and be out in nature.

Peter’s wife, Sandy, an artist, worked at home and volunteered in the community. Peter and Sandy had talked about his retirement transition and how it would affect their day-to-day lives. When Sandy’s friend Joan asked her how she felt about Peter being home all the time, she responded: “Twice the husband, half the income!”

The timing of retirement is usually based on financial considerations, such as savings, assets, Social Security, health insurance, retirement packages, and pensions. But for some couples, like Peter and Sandy, money is not the only factor. As roles and responsibilities change, other issues may become equally or more important in mid- to later life.

What you need and want in your fifties, sixties or seventies may be different from what was true earlier in your life. For instance, you may have less tolerance for a work situation that is no longer fulfilling your needs or one that is inconsistent with your values. And priorities may need to shift if your health and well-being are undermined.

How do couples begin to prioritize and make decisions about whether to retire, when to retire and how to retire? Is it better to retire separately or together? What if one of you does not want to continue working full time? What if you both want to retire, but you can’t afford to? Many couples who planned to retire early are finding that they need to work well into their seventies. You may not have a choice about whether to work, but there may be creative options for how to work and what you can do given your interests, experience and skills.

Having accurate information and facts and talking about how you feel will help you make decisions you’re able to live with. Whether you are in your fifties, sixties, or seventies, you need to think carefully about how you want to use your assets and resources. Hopefully you can still have fun and do the things that are important in your life, but be sure to consider the pros and cons so that you can make informed choices.

Set aside some time to discuss the questions above with your partner. You may be surprised at what your partner has to say.  Then, begin to brainstorm some creative solutions that will create a happy and satisfactory retirement for you both.

New "Couple's Retirement Puzzle" book featured in Wall St. Journal

The Couple's Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transition to the Second Half of Life was recently mentioned on March 21, 2011, in an excellent WSJ article by Kathleen Hughes, "He Says Maine, She Says Florida: How Couples Navigate One of the Trickiest Retirement Issues: Where to Live." 

Hughes interviewed dozens of couples, therapists, educators and marriage counselors across the country. She spoke with Roberta Taylor and me about our book and our experiences with couples around this important issue. As Hughes pointed out in the article, "If any single tactic can ease the strains, it's to start the conversations early-years before actually retiring. Avoid the 11th hour bombshell at all costs. Starting the conversation early is a key in the process."

Here's one thing to remember for couples  -- if couples can begin to talk about the issues, they really do get to know what is important to each of them -- they can develop a shared vision. 

Also pointed out in the article is the notion that the resolution isn't always easy and takes time and many conversations.  Couples may reach compromises, create different timelines and sometimes agree to living in separate places at some point in their relationship. This later arrangement is referred to as  LAT, living apart together.  The issues of where to live is one of the "10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life."

Our book is available on Amazon.com, BN.com and can be ordered from book stores. We encourage you to ask your libraries to order a copy.   Or, you can buy your copy of The Couple's Retirement Puzzle here directly from us.

We welcome your comments.